Saturday
Jan152011
Clever Pregnancy Comebacks : Part One
Okay, I don't know how clever they are but it's what I came up with on the spot.
I tried to come up with some "friend" ones and some "elderly neighbour" ones as well because, you know, you may not want to use the term "fucking" to somebody whose lawn you admire.
I'm going to do five at a time so that there's lots of room for comments from you guys!
"You're huge!"
- I know!! It's like I'm growing a whole baby or something!
- Holy shit, you too!
- I don't know why either, all I consume these days is cocaine and Diet Sprite. Weird, eh?
"Don't you know what cause that?"
- Public pools, right?
- Yes, fucking.
- Why are you asking? Can't you remember?
"How many more babies are you going to have?"
- Somewhere between one and 47.
- It depends on how many we sell.
- We plan to keep going until we have an ugly one.
"You're not going to find out the sex? But don't you want to know? It would... drive me crazy!"
- Well, that's a short drive anyway, isn't it?
- It wouldn't matter anyway because we're naming it Thermos the Third whether it's a boy OR a girl.
- I'm kind of hoping it's neither and it's just gas.
"Should you be eating that?"
- Well, seeing as you're already eating your foot, I figured I may as well eat this.
- No, I should be eating lots of it.
- Why, because you think it's as dangerous as asking me that question?
Be sure to also check out Part 2, Mulitples Edition, and Part 3!
35 Comments
Reader Comments (35)
okay, for reals, "Well, seeing as you're already eating your foot, I figured I may as well eat this."=win.
OMG.. ROLLLLLING! Love it!!!
How about: "What are you going to name him?!", especially from total strangers. I'm dying to come up with a smartass comeback for that one. My husband's been saying Trebuchet... but I can't do it with a straight face!
"Short drive" -- priceless.
LOVE this post.
What about for 'how are you feeling?' That question gets asked WAY too many times.
And since I have three boys and baby4 coming this summer this question has become popular [and annoying] - 'Do you want a girl?' Doesn't matter what I want! It's not like I put in the request box!
LOVE LOVE LOVE These!! Amazing!!
Oh, how I love this blog. Just sad I didn't discover it during my first pregnancy. Writing a couple of these gems down for future use. Thanks for the ammo!
"Thermos the Third"...."It's just gas".....I laughed so hard I almost choked on my very fatty yogurt!! Oh, I hope you have more of these comments swimming around in your mind. I don't think I could ever say any of them (I'm just way too nice), but I think them sometimes!
When we already had 2 boys and were expecting our third, people seemed to love to say,"Ah! Trying for a girl?!" To which I could only respond, "Well, we are just hoping for a baby, preferably human."
When people woould ask "what are you having" I would always answer "a baby!?!". My mom once answered "kittens" for me :D
Love it. Maybe you can help me come up with a response to "OMG, you're STILL pregnant!" You know, besides bursting into tears and running into the nearest closet.
LOL I'm going to start using "Thermos the Third" since every time I tell a woman we're naming the baby Edward they ask if I'm naming him after that vampire in the teen movie. Um.. No... It is a pretty popular name anyways...
So funny. How about a response to "you got twins in there ? Are you sure ?"
And also for all the post partum ladies who get asked if they're pregnant again. Or is it just me? I'm like, I've had 3 almost 10 pounders in 5 years. And the youngest is 6 months. I've been pregnant and /or breastfeeding since 2004. So my body hadn't recovered like Heidi Klum. Thanks for pointing it out bc I hadn't felt like shit yet today.
That made me laugh.. !! :)
oh my, I feel like an asshat; I've said some of these to people (not the REAALY terrible ones; I'd never tell a pregnant woman she "looks huge!") So, to pregnant women everywhere: My apologies, and I promise to be better in the future. :D
Also, I <3 "Depends on how many we sell."
Oh Amanda, we've all asked them so don't feel bad. I think it's more the context and who it is that's doing the asking that makes the difference. I could have someone tell me I looked huge and it wouldn't bother me because I knew it was coming from a kind place and other people that would say "You look great" and I would think "Well, don't sound so fucking surprised".
O-M-G! This is hilarious!!! Thank you, thank you for sharing these!
These are the greatest. I've never had the guts to actually say anything to anyone before but I might just have to try these. Maybe if people realize they are being ass holes, they might shut their mouths.
One I got buying groceries while pregnant was the barely-post-teenage cretin behind the register pointing to my beer purchase and saying, "That's not for you is it?" It was for my husband, of course, but WTF? What if it had been for me? What was she going to do about it? Naturally any/all snappy responses came to my head long after I'd left the store.
When I was pregnant, on two separate occassions, complete strangers stopped and asked me "how many?". Yes, I was huge, but there was only one baby. The first time it happened I was in shock, I stood there frozen, my mouth wide open, just glaring at him. He must have seen the tears well up, because he turned and ran. The second time (you would think I would have come up with something snappy by the second time, but I really was giving the first guy the benefit of the doubt - that surely he was the only ignoramus that would ever have the gall to ask that - boy was I wrong)! Please someone give me a good response to that one, so I'm ready next time!
Love love love this! Thanks! I'm going to store away... we did find out the baby's sex, but before that when people asked me, what are you having, I was like, well, we did have an early ultrasound and it ruled out puppies and kittens. Definitely looks humanoid, though I'm not sure that chimp is out of the running...
My husband works at a bank, and whenever he would mention that we were having our second child, and a coworker/customer would ask him, "So, what is it?" he would just say with the most deadpan expression, "Human." And then after a moment, he'd add the equally deadpan afterthought, "I hope." :D
I have four kids and got this a lot. My two favorite answers to the oh so witty Don't you know what causes tha?t: "No! Can you explain it to me?" or "Yep! And my husband is realllllly good at it!"
And the perpetual Is it a boy or girl:? "Yep." Then when they would look blankly at me I would say "You are correct, its either a boy or a girl."
I made up names too for when people asked, and tried to keep it crazy but possible, just because it was amusing to see them try to say something nice after being so nosy. Trixie for a girl, Axel for a boy were my go to names, but sometimes I would use Rosie O'Donnel (our last name) or Tom Brokaw (our last name) and then gush about how much I loved them and wanted my kid to grow up to be just like them. So funny.
As for the name thing, our current joke name is Banjo Tennessee... then we also mention we're considering Bash, Axel, or Saber (you know, because he needs a good rock star name if he's going to make it). Our other tactic is to reply to the person and say 'we really like [insert name of person asking]' Always gets a laugh
To the name question I tend to answer "/my name/ Junior". I am obviously a woman and the baby is a girl, so I get a lot of blank stares. To which I say: "Well, it's not just the men who get to do this.... Equal rights, you know!"