Stages of Pregnancy
Stage 1: You just found out you're pregnant. You're excited (or horrified) and you can't believe you're going to be a mother. You may be scared to give birth and wonder how you're going to do it. Everywhere you look you see pregnant women. You're tired. Like really tired. Every pain and twinge you wonder if it's because you're pregnant. You wonder if people can tell that you're pregnant – sort of like when you wonder if people can tell if you're drunk (hopefully, you aren't wondering this at the same time).
Stage 2: You look fat but not pregnant. You can see people kind of looking at you wondering but it seems weird to blurt out "I'm pregnant!" You may or may not have told people by now. The people you've told ask you how you're feeling all the time. You may have bought a couple of maternity things that you think you can wear after the baby comes. You may be tired, sick, have sore boobs and have to pee constantly. It's a delicious luck of the draw.
Stage 3: You're really cute and could be an ad for a maternity store. Everyone can see that you're pregnant and congratulate you and tell you how wonderful you look. You feel great. Nothing hurts and you don't feel sick anymore. This stage usually lasts for about 27 minutes.
Stage 4: You're starting to find it hard to breathe and things are starting to swell. You're sick of people asking you if you know what you're having, when you're due and if you've decided on a name. You're tired of wearing the same maternity clothes but you don't want to buy new stuff because you're almost done. Shaving your legs, putting shoes and tending to your lady bits is becoming difficult.
Stage 5: You feel enormous and none of your maternity clothes fit. You want to crash through walls and shout "oh yeah!" like the KoolAid man. People keep saying "Haven't you had that baby yet?" You have a new appreciation for how difficult it is for the elderly and morbidly obese to get around and swear you're going to become an advocate for their rights once you catch your breath. You're no longer scared of birth you just want this kid out of you and if that means pulling it through your right nostril, so be it.
Stage 6: The baby is here. You want to burn your maternity clothes on the front lawn. You're no longer pregnant and you're looking forward to getting your body back, a full night's sleep and eating a nice, hot meal. Wait. What?
Did I miss one? What stage are you at?
17 Comments
Reader Comments (17)
Um, I think I'm still at Stage 5.
How many years, exactly, does that stage last? Just wondering.
I'm at 3.5; still bumpily cute but ready to maim the next person who gives me grief about waiting to see what's incubating.
Am thankful that I'm blond and leg hair looks a bit like shimmery body lotion because shaving's already become a bi-weekly event.
Reading this article, reminds me of when I was at the stage one.
What a beautiful world you know, when you were informed by the doctor that you're pregnant.
Especially when it comes to the first pregnancy..
Well, it's tiring, and I also scared. It's common to the first timer..
I'm in the first stage. But I'd like to add that the bloating makes me feel like I'm nearing #2 (at only 7 weeks). I imagine I'm the only one who would think so, though.
I'm definitely a Stage 5- at the end of July, and I might could strangle the next person that says "I don't know how you're making it in this heat" (Alabama heat that is) and the answer is barely, dumbass. I'm staying inside and drinking water all day, which doesn't help my bladder having to be emptied at least twice an hour. I am irritable, sleepy, and hungry, all the time, so please just stay out of my way.
This past weekend, I was out and carrying around my newborn, 2 1/2 weeks old -- my 3rd baby, who weighed 9lbs 12 oz at birth. (My first two, aged 4 years and 2 years, also weighed over 9.5 lbs.) ANYWAY, Someone patted my gut and asked if I was sure there wasn't another one still in there. So I guess I'm in the stage where you still look pregnant enough for complete strangers to be complete asses. Actually, I think this transcends all stages for pregnant and post partum women....
I'm in stage 6! I've gotten my pre-pregnancy figure back but the full night's sleep is what I think I won't be getting until my baby turns a year old. This one's a cool take on the stages of pregnancy--easier to understand and relate to.
Shirley Grace
http://pregg.net
I'm a mix of 3 and 4. I'm getting out of breath easy and hate my maternity clothes, but my belly isn't as "poped" as others, because he's more side ways. It is also kind of sucky to be asked a million times a day how I am feeling, what are we naming the baby, and when I'm due. So yeah I can completely follow you on that. I'm almost 28 weeks now. :)
I'm in stage 1... early stage 1... I just found out I'm pregnant about 8 minutes ago. I'm in between delighted and terrified. Now, how to tell the love of my life, my handsome husband, who is upstairs having a shower at this very second?
Holy crap, that is one of the most awesome comments this blog has ever seen! Congratulations!
Damn it, I just spit my water out on my keyboard after I read the Kool Aid man description, pure gold!
I'm peeing myself. I know this would be funny if I was kidding but being as pregnant as I am, it's hard to judge. I'm kidding - I didn't pee myself. But it's a flip each time. I'm at this stage:
Stage 5: You feel enormous and none of your maternity clothes fit. You want to crash through walls and shout "oh yeah!" like the KoolAid man. People keep saying "Haven't you had that baby yet?" You have a new appreciation for how difficult it is for the elderly and morbidly obese to get around and swear you're going to become an advocate for their rights once you catch your breath. You're no longer scared of birth you just want this kid out of you and if that means pulling it through your right nostril, so be it.
I just went from S4 to S5 this week (at 32 wks). And have those obesity/elderly thoughts all the time - glad to know I am not the only one. Thankfully I can let the shaved legs go for a while since it is winter but the putting on shoes is getting annoying.
I am in stage 4. Stage 3 was nice, but it only lasted for a couple of days...boy those were nice days.
Gasping. For. Breath. I was fine reading this, chuckling a bit here and there until I came to the part about the Kool-Aid man breaking thru a wall... "OH YEAH!!!" I almost chocked on my raspberry and cream popsicle crying with laughter. Then I threw my head back in hilarity and knocked the sh*t out of it on the wall behind me. I did not expect the Kool-Aid man reference, and I almost wet my pants crying with laughter. Thank. You. For. The. Laughs. They are needed.
p.s. and I had to google popsicle to see how its spelled.... damn you preggobrain
I just laughed until I cried about the Kool-Aid man! Just stumbled across your blog today and it is hilarious (and refreshingly honest). I'm a solid stage 2 at this point but am already having breathing troubles. Looking forward to my 27 minutes of stage 3.
What about stage 5.1? Past your due date, angry, tired of trying EVERYTHING, tired of people suggesting stuff, TIRED TIRED TIRED of being pregnant, period. My haircut that I got at the *perfect* time for delivery needs a trim. My pedicure that I also had timed perfectly is ratty and I still can't reach my toes. My house, which got a deep clean in preparation for baby, is a wreck. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!